African american dad speaking to son

Talk to your teen about SEX often

A Script For Talking to Teens About Sex

We all want our teens to be happy and have a fulfilling life. But it comes to sex, how do we convey our values to them in a way that keeps them safe and responsible. Is it the same conversation if our teen if male or female or LGBTQ?
Here are some general tips that can help you have a constructive conversation with your teenager about sex.
First, it is important to be open and honest with your teen. This means being willing to answer any questions they may have. Don’t shy away from difficult topics. Listen to your teen’s concerns about their doubts about their own sexuality.
You don’t need to know all the answers. I simple: “I’m not sure, but let’s find out,” can leave the door open for future conversations. It is also important to be respectful of your teen’s privacy and to avoid speaking down to them or using shaming language.
Our society’s prejudices and acceptances surrounding sexuality start at home. Homophobia and racism start in the same place – ignorance.
When we refuse to talk about sex ed, or when we give our kids biased and incomplete information on the topic, it sets them up for a lifetime of ignorance. These misunderstandings can have tragic consequences later on in life.
It’s time to have an open and honest conversation with your teen about sex. At the same time, this does NOT mean that you have to share your private life with them.
Here is a brief script to practice, as a starting point. Feel free to tailor the conversation to your own teen’s needs and concerns.

Hey Drew, I’ve been meaning to have a conversation with you regarding sex. Is this a good time? I realize this is a sensitive topic but I want you to know the following: It is your body and your decision as to when and how you engage in sexual activity. What I want you to know is to please be safe and careful.

1- Always ask for consent. If the person you are with doesn’t want to have sex, STOP.

2- There is no single right answer when it comes to sex. What matters is that you feel good about the choices you make.

3- Use protection. You can not rely on your partner being the one responsible for protection. It is your responsibility.

4- If you feel you are mature enough to share your body with someone else then you should be mature enough to be able to talk to that person openly and agree to be respectful and responsible with each other.

5-As a parent, add your values regarding religion and beliefs that come from personal experience or use other sources to help you.

After addressing these points it would be nice to be able to say:

“How do you feel about what we talked about? Are there any aspects that are confusing or worrying to you?”

Most teens would say “NO” and storm off. If you are one of the lucky ones that a teen will gravitate towards and ask more questions, good for you! I tip my hat to you.

As I write this I wonder if my conversation will be the same if my child were a female and at what age would it occur?

The important thing is that you are honest with your teen and that you keep the lines of communication open. Sex is a complex topic, and there is no one right way to talk about it. By being respectful and understanding, you can help your teen feel confident in making their own decisions about sex. Thank you for reading.

Next time let’s talk about the script for our daughters.

Dr. de Freitas